I saw in her eyes the confusion. It told me about the inner turmoil of her soul. My love, instead of being bliss, turned out to be a poison that was killing her slowly from inside. She fell in love with me, despite being with another guy. She was confused with whom to stay. She felt the guilt of cheating on him, by being with me. I tried to console her that it’s not betrayal unless she decides soon to be with one and leave the other. But she loved both of us.
I was in pain, not because she loved someone else, but because she had become restless; which I never wanted my love to become. I wanted to make her happy. Alas! I was making her sad. Maybe, I was not meant to be a lover. Maybe, I didn’t know how to give love.
I couldn’t bear her poor state and told her to leave me. She was surprised.
‘The other guy was never abandoned by anyone,’ I said. ‘He has been surrounded by his mom, his dad, his family, so he didn’t know how to survive with the pain of losing someone. And he won’t be able to survive with such a pain. I, however, was lucky to survive solitude and pain. I’m an orphan. I’m used to being abandoned.’
With tears in her eyes, she left me behind, at the sunset point where we had spent countless evenings watching the setting sun, till cold twilight breeze pleaded us to go. We used to hike back walking hand in hand, fingers entwining fingers, her head on my shoulder, her body giving me warmth and mine supporting hers. Time ceased to exist whenever she used to be around. But on that final day, she left behind a still body with a dying soul. She wanted to hug me and cry. She wanted to tell how much she loves me. But, I remained silent to her emotions. I remained mute, for I didn’t want an embarrassing departure of confessing our love for each other.
I let the magic moment pass without any magic. She didn’t have the courage to open up her heart nor did I. She left with tears in her eyes. She was hurt, although I didn’t know whether for my saying to leave me or because she was leaving me. She didn’t say anything – just walked away, leaving me behind to catch the final glimpse of her silhouette against the setting sun.
[A very old fiction story penned by me]